Photo Source: MileyCyrus.com

Miley Cyrus’ new song is hitting my brain strangely. Don’t get me wrong, I really like it. Easy to dance like a white mom and just feel yourself too and ohhh that is empowering.

ANDDD I can’t stop thinking about how much is it focused on hyper independence. @Gigitherapyworld on tiktok sparked a lot of the thoughts that were brewing before this song percolated that hmmppfff! Why is our empowering perspective to take care of your own needs rather than be with community?

I’ve been guilty of it, after a break up I’ve totally found healing and power in myself and knowing my own ability to care for myself and thrive without dependence. Yet, that’s not what got me through. Friends, family, coworkers and community is why I survived. I will never be able to totally meet my own needs, we aren’t meant to. AND romantic love won’t be able to either.

They chorus goes:

Started to cry, but then remembered I…

I can buy myself flowers

Write my name in the sand

Talk to myself for hours

Say things you don't understand

I can take myself dancing

And I can hold my own hand

Yeah, I can love me better than you can

Yes yes owe owe! Banger! Yet, my own healing came from family sharing plants with me (my cats don’t allow flowers but that’s besides the point), standing in the sand with friends who saw me at my worst and still had hope for me, dancing with myself and alongside people willing to be fully themselves and witness me doing the same.

More and more there’s been a calling to not have needs from others, SELF care being valued over connection, and cutting people off. Of course there’s times to step away from those who harm you but there can be growth in negativing boundaries and who is helpful for different things.

I can buy myself flowers but I can also plant them for my neighbours to enjoy, share the petals to dance in a healing way together with those who love me.