Why We Don't Think Sexual Violence is Common
CW Sexual Assault
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, my first thought is that people are aware that sexual assault extists why do we need awareness? Many folks #MeToo is making a big deal out of an uncommon problem, or that we’ve simply gotten better and turn away or shut off to this all too known but ignored violence. 1 in 3 women in Canada report having at least 1 sexual assault in their lifetime, likely you know someone who has experienced sexual violence. So, why does this feel untrue to some folks?
We think of stranger attacks and don’t include the majority of harms.
The majority of sexual violence is committed by someone known to the survvior. We learn about sexual assault by warning vulnerable people of random attackers, not partners, friends, and family members.
Consent has been seen as blurry for too long
I had discussions back when I went to parties where folks said “Asking if you want to have sex isn’t sexy” but they did ackowledge that someone being too scared to say “I’m uncomfortable”, “stop” or “I feel scared” was terrifying for everyone involved. I believe that some folks refuse to acknowledge Stats because if we include X in the definition of sexual assault, then maybe they are guilty despite being ignorant of how they were hurting someone at the time.
We often don’t believe survivors
The ways we’ve learnt about memory, as a picture perfect totally accurate film reel, is inaccurate and not at all how our brain functions in threatening situations. Sometimes our instincts try to help us survive by not encoding all the information, freezing, or even being extra nice to the person who harmed us. These responses are also used to discredit stories even though they are indicators of a huge threat.
We overvalue the criminal justice system
How can those statistics be even close to true if we never seen this go to court? Not reporting to police does not equal silence yet it gets seen as such because we’ve been taught by media and culture that everyone should want justice even though going through the reporting process is much more complicated than that.
April we bring awareness to Sexualized violence because the truth still needs light.
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