I Gave Up Veganism
After 10 years, I recently decided to relabel my eating style as vegetarian and giving up veganism.
It was not an easy decision and was filled with weird shame and questioning my morality. I found myself asking if I did not have this restriction as my compass then am I good enough?
Some may have seen this coming after reading my post Veganism is Rooted in Colonization (https://becauseitscaresme.com/blog/veganism-is-rooted-in-colonization) from April 2021 which I wrote after Tiktoker @WildQuetzal opened my eyes to some issues I kept closing them to, over and over.
I was caught by my thoughts that human culture would evolve past eating meat or animal products… disregarding that most foods that celebrate culture include non-vegan ingredients. White supremacy and diet culture taught me we would ‘evolve’ past our humanity, cultural diversity and a certain kind of connection
I have now been able to connect more with my own Polish and Mennonite cultural heritage because of the options opened by giving up veganism, I am so excited to be learning recipes from my grandma and mother.
I started learning more about diet culture too. Hearing phrases like the only bad for is food that's gone bad and having a visceral reaction sat weirdly with me. I often cooked recipes labeled "clean" that were boring versions of so called ethnic food.. because all that fat was a moral failing in keeping my body "pure."
It is important to note there are Black, Indigenous, Asian (including Indian) and many other kinds of vegans, often in community without the problematic rhetoric that scared me away from white veganism. Veganism can be enjoyed while staying rooted in culture, it can mean practicing ancient religious tenets and connecting with family… and it can mean white people connecting with hateful beliefs rooted in racist “in blood and soil” purity, white nationalist beliefs. I felt this when declining bannock and other amazing Indigenous meals. I was tensely aware of being a lone white person avoiding connecting in the name of my so-called evolved diet. What did that mean about my beliefs around people who did not practice veganism? I felt an unsaid pressure online to believe vegans were the only “right way” and hearing animal suffering compared to harms caused to people of colour, as if equating people of colour to animals.
I am not judging anyone who remains vegan, sometimes it's the diet that your body agrees with, sometimes it's what fits your journey and sometimes it just makes sense for you. I am so grateful to the vegan community and the amazing thoughtful conversations I’ve enjoyed. I’m grateful for being able to fully look at consumption and question it before making choices. I’m grateful for veganism forcing me to learn how to cook, use creative ingredients, introduce new foods and filling up my spice cupboard. I’m grateful to have learnt of the human and animal suffering associated with meat, diary and other animal products.
I am still vegetarian, still very mindful where I am buying animal products and of course still constantly questioning my consumption.
Kylie Soto (2021) White veganism: Supremacy on a platter, The Lumberjack